Today is May the 4th, which has come to be known as Star Wars Day. Those who know me well know that Star Wars has been an obsession of mine longer than pro wrestling. It got me to thinking, how would I re-cast Star Wars with some of the people I have written about in pro wrestling?
Hurricane JJ Maguire as… Max Rebo
Sure, I could have gone with Figrin D’an, but I suspect the Hurricane would have found himself taking the more upscale booking at Jabba’s versus the cantina at Mos Eisley. Plus I want to hear JJ say, “Yes, Miss Snootles, we can take it from the top again.”
Princess Victoria as… Princess Leia
A bit obvious? Yes, and she’ll be disappointed that once again, she’s cast as the babyface. But like Cinderella, the space slipper fits. Nobody tells Princess Leia what to do, just as nobody tells Princess Victoria what to do!
Tracy Smother as… Yoda
A man who poured himself into many young pro wrestlers over the last few decades could easily be cast as Obi Wan, but Obi Wan only had two pupils. Yoda trained countless Jedi, and the Smothers family is now legion across pro wrestling.
Scott Romer as… Han Solo
With that camera strap always over his shoulder, one could draw a direct comparison to Chewbacca, but let’s be honest. Romer was a survivor, a hustler, and a ladies man. Plus think of all the great Romer pics of him posing with Lando, Jabba, and the glitterati of the galaxy.
Mad Man Pondo as… Boba Fett
As we all learned to our great delight in The Mandalorian, Boba survived the ultimate death match against the Sarlacc Pit. Can’t you see Pondo vs. Terry Funk fighting it out on a skiff in a no rope, loser falls in the Sarlaac Pit match? It would be the biggest draw on Tatooine since Anakin vs. Sebulba.
Chris Candido as… Luke Skywalker
Chris Candido was a natural heel, just as Victoria was, but I have to go wth Luke. Why? Well, people said Chris was a little short for a WWF Superstar, and we all know Luke was a little short for a Stormtrooper.
Dr. D David Schultz as… Darth Vader
“Oh you think the Dark Side is fake, do ya?” John Stossel better be glad Dr. D wasn’t a Sith. He’d have never left MSG alive that night in 1984! Chris Candido would have gotten a kick out of being booked opposite one of his heroes, and just think how awesome those Dr. D promos would sound in James Earl Jones’s voice.
Lillie Lockhart now has a Pro Wrestling Tees store. Who is Lillie Lockhart? She’s one of the new generation of women’s wrestlers you can catch at Girl Fight Wrestling. She’s also one of thousands of wrestlers you can find in Pro Wrestling Tees, a website that has helped many independent wrestlers keep going during these (I don’t want to say it, but here I go) unprecedented times.
There are many places you can spend money this holiday season. You can certainly spend more for brand name stars on the brand name wrestling company’s web store. But there’s a lot of good that you can do shopping with the indy stars and legends on Pro Wrestling Tees. Click here to give Lillie’s shop a look. Do a search for your indy star or legend like Mr. Grim, Charlie Kruel, Mad Man Pondo, Chris Hero, and even Dr. D David Schultz!
Support pro wrestling and give someone a Merry Christmas all in one stop!
Two years ago it was my privilege to present the autobiography of Dr. D David Schultz, Don’t Call Me Fake. I was able to tell the story of Dr. D from his point of view as well as his friends, fellow wrestlers, and students. The only thing missing was the man who cost Dr. D his job with WWE – the man whose wrestling story will soon be in print.
Eat Sleep Wrestle and John Stossel present “I Still Think It’s Fake: The Confession of John Stossel.” In this shocking new book you will hear directly from John Stossell as he reveals:
Wrestling is still fake. Very, very fake.
How he faked hearing loss and injury to bilk millions from Vince McMahon.
Dr. D “hits like a girl.”
What he did with all of Vince McMahon’s money. (Hint: there are tigers involved!)
Don’t miss this amazing book, a must-read for people who love wrestling as much as they love a good April Fools gag.
I attended my first Cauliflower Alley Club Reunion and presented Dr. D David Schultz with the Male Wrestler Award.
I got “Colonel” Stu Gibson inducted into the New Albany High School Hall of Fame.
And unrelated to wrestling, I released a science fiction novel I really, really like called Die Alan Die.
2019 was busy.
2020 is already looking to be just as busy. There may not be as many books, but there will be a lot happening. I’ll post more about that in a few days. In the meantime, you can save 20% on your entire order when you shop here and use the coupon code “2020” at checkout. Coupon code expires January 10.
My first trip to Cauliflower Alley Club was as memorable as it could possibly be. Not only did I get to introduce Dr. D David Schultz and present him with his award, the legendary Jim Ross introduced me.
Thanks to Hannibal TV, you can watch the full awards banquet on YouTube and see Andrew Anderson, Bambi, Kamala, Nick Kozak, Haku, the Barbarian, Dory Funk, Jr., and Mark Henry receive their awards as well.
You can skip to the 1:30:20 mark to see Dr. D and me, or watch from the beginning.
If it looks like you missed a fun evening, it’s because you did. CAC is worth your time and money not only for the great experience, but the great cause.
And if you think Jim Ross was great on WWE, wait til you hear him unscripted.
I’ve attended some great events over the last few years. I’ve been to Wrestlemania, Axxess, Starrcast, and the Hall of Fame induction weekend in Waterloo, Iowa. Each event is unique in its own way, and if you’re a true fan, you should give every one of them a try at least once.
Cauliflower Alley Club has been on my “to do” list for a few years, and it definitely belongs in the category with the above events. Actually, it tops most of the above because not only is it an unforgettable experience, it’s for a good cause and, well, it’s in Vegas.
The 54th Annual Cauliflower Alley Club reunion took place at the Gold Coast Casino and Hotel, just a mile from the Strip. The Gold Coast is a wrestler’s hotel in the true sense of a word, a definite bargain price wise, and to be honest, the room was nice and clean if the view unspectacular. (My window opened up on a spotlight shining on a giant wall. Wow.)
But let’s face it – you’re not going to CAC to sleep. This is an event that allows you a 24/7 opportunity to rub shoulders with wrestlers, promoters, managers, valets, writers, photographers, and other fans. This is the place you come to sit down and have a drink with someone you’ve watched on television for decades. This is the place where you can meet an old timer who wrestled Lou Thesz. (Shout out to the great Reggie Parks!) This is where you get hugs from an original GLOW girl, a photo with Haku, and buy a stack of books from a host of great wrestling authors. This is where you can not only mark out over your favorite wrestlers, but see some of your favorite wrestlers mark out for their favorites, like Tyrus did when he saw Dr. D David Schultz.
Reunion week kicks off with the free independent wrestling show Sunday evening (a non-CAC event hosted by a local promotion, featuring wrestlers from around the globe). The same promotion hosts a second free show on Monday night as well. You’ll see big names like Sabu and future stars like Heather Reckless (whose name I’ve passed on to Girl Fight promoter Mad Man Pondo) and everyone in between. This year, Rock Riddle worked a match against Matt Striker, Joel Gertner read some dirty poetry, and La Rosa Negra dazzled fans with her high energy style. (I gave her info to Pondo as well.)
Monday through Wednesday, fans can mingle in the “Nostalgia Room,” where writers like me are set up with book tables alongside wrestlers like Sabu, Jerry Lawler, the GLOW girls, Haku, Barbarian, and even Dory Funk, Jr. You can shop, talk, or just sit and enjoy the atmosphere. Or if you prefer, you can hang out in the casino or the TGI Fridays bar, which was constantly full of attendees.
Tuesday evening is the Bockwinkel Blowout, a traditional “wrestler’s meal” highlighted by bologna sandwiches. No, I’m not kidding. You can have bologna on your choice of bread, or you can choose from a number of other cold cuts. The first half dozen or so awards are handed out after dinner, and then everyone moves back downstairs for drinks and stories well into the early morning hours.
The event concludes Wednesday night with the more formal banquet, where the bigger awards are handed out. It was on Wednesday that I presented Dr. D David Schultz with his Male Wrestler award. Nick Aldis presented Dory Funk, Jr., with his, and D-Lo Brown presented Mark Henry. Jim Ross played host for the evening in front a packed house, and he was delightful. Ross had no filter and no shame, repeatedly taking shots at a former employer for rewriting history in its own image while imploring attendees to spread the word about CAC and bring their friends next year.
This was my first time attending CAC, and while it was by no means a “perfect” event, it’s one I’ll never forget and one I hope to experience many more times. I met dozens of friends I had only known on Facebook prior to the event, including one of my long-time supporters and enablers, Tom Burke. I got a photo with Haku (one of my big regrets from Starrcast), and while I can’t disclose anything at the moment, I discussed two future book opportunities with wrestlers while there.
CAC was unforgettable, career-changing, and eye opening for me. I’m proud to be a member of the Club, and I look forward to working with them for many years to come. I’m also very grateful for all the friendships made and deepened last week. CAC is the most immersive experience you can have as a fan and an invaluable opportunity for anyone, regardless of age, who wants to advance in the business of professional wrestling. You can join the club now on their website to subscribe to their newsletter and become a part of the great work they are doing to help others. Once you become a member, you will certainly want to be in Vegas April of next year.
I just made my first trip to the Cauliflower Alley Club reunion this past week. It will not be my last. I made some great connections and memories, and I will tell many of those stories on this blog.
But first thing’s first. Today is about why you – whether you are a fan, a wrestler, or another worker in the business – need to join CAC.
Cauliflower Alley is not another wrestling convention. It is not another event like Starrcast or Wrestlecade or Wrestlecon. It is a 401c non-profit charitable organization created more than 60 years ago to support aging wrestlers and other workers in the business in times of need. It is an organization created so that today’s fans and wrestlers can lend a hand to the men and women of yesteryear as a way of saying thank you.
Put another way – Cauliflower Alley provides financial assistance to people who spent their entire careers working as independent contractors. It pays the bills for those who are in debt, it pays for necessary medical care and medication, and it provides relief for those in need.
This past week I was able to see Rico Costantino speak about what CAC has done for him. Just a few years ago, Rico was facing a dire medical emergency and mounting debt. He was unable to work, and he was unable to pay for the medical care he needed. CAC came to the rescue (as did his old manager Kenny Starmaker Bolin, a lifetime member of CAC). Rico is alive and well today in part due to the assistance CAC provided him.
Rico is not the only one. He’s one of the few who has allowed CAC to use his name to promote their services out of gratitude for what they have done for him. Last year, CAC stepped in to assist Brickhouse Brown and extend his life by six months. They are currently assisting James “Kamala” Harris in his medical and financial struggles.
As John Oliver recently made clear, the biggest wrestling company in the world does not provide any sort of medical insurance or retirement planning to its independent contractors. Many wrestlers are able to transition into second careers and provide for their families, but bad things happen and many people, through no fault of their own, find themselves in serious medical or financial emergencies.
CAC is a lifeline. It was founded by wrestlers for wrestlers to support those who need it most. Joining CAC allows you, whether you are a wrestler, ref, promoter, fan, journalist, announcer, blogger, or whatever, to be a part of that relief. Joining CAC is a tangible way to say thank you to wrestlers who have fallen on hard times and help them to get back on their feet.
As the MC for the awards ceremony Wednesday night, Jim Ross continually implored those in attendance to invite others to join CAC. He urged young attendees especially to spread the word so the work of CAC does not die out with the older generation.
“Do you think the people on ESPN give a shit about wrestling like we do? Do you think your non-wrestling fans give a shit what happens to wrestlers when they retire? We are all we’ve got.”
He’s right. If you’re a fan or a worker, you know no one cares about wrestling like wrestlers and their fans. CAC membership is only $25 a year. That’s a small price to pay to get started supporting this great organization. CAC is completely non-profit, completely volunteer. From President B. Brian Blair and Vice President Scott Teal on down, no one earns a dime working for CAC. Many staff work 10-14 hours days from February and April, and they all pay for their own reunion tickets as well as transportation costs and even vendor fees.
What’s more, most of the money collected from membership dues, reunion tickets, advertising fees, and vendor fees goes to wrestlers in need. “The only expenses are what we pay the hotel space, the meals, and, and printing,” says Scott Teal. “Other than that, every single penny that we receive goes to recipients.”
If you love wrestling, you owe it not only to yourself but to your heroes to join CAC. Go to their website now www.caulifloweralleyclub.org and start your annual membership. And please give serious consideration to joining them for the 55th annual reunion next spring. It is an incredible, life-changing event that you will never forget.
When I first published Dr. D David Schultz’s book just over a year ago, I gave him an option to buy me out so he could own the book outright if he so chose at some time in the future. This spring, Dr. D opted to buy me out, and that transition is now complete.
Dr. D is truly his own man, and now, he’s his own publisher. You can now find his book on Amazon by clicking here.
And if you’re interested in the Herb Welch book, which Dr. D also owns, you can find it by clicking here.
Sounds like the Doctor has big plans for the book, and I wish him well. Heck, if he follows through and creates an audiobook, I’ll be first in line to buy it!
Word has it there’s a Hulk Hogan biopic now in production, telling the story of his early career up to the birth of Hulkamania. You can’t tell that story – honestly- without Doctor D David Schultz, so the question is, who should play the good doctor?
Better yet, who wants to see a movie about Doctor D himself?
Just in case anyone with the money to make a movie is reading, here’s a video Doc appeared in recently with Hurricane Helms. Maybe Doc could appear as himself in Hogan’s film or his own?
What’s better than shaking Dr. D’s hand over an autograph table? How about a live Q&A lesson with the man himself?
Dr. D David Schultz will be a featured speaker in the CAC’s Learning Series at the Gold Coast Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. Dr. D will be talking about his career as a wrestler and a bounty hunter on Tuesday, April 30 at 2 pm with host Jim Valley.
You’ve seen him on YouTube. You’ve heard him on podcasts. This is a very rare chance to hear him speak in person, and no question is off limits.
Except that one. You know the one I mean. The “standard question.” I wouldn’t ask that one.
